so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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