I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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