the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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