happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
