He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
