I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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