Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
