I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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