I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I CAN MOONWALK!
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
