so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize