That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
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