um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
It's shark week go big or go home
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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