I CAN MOONWALK!
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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