omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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