found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
The feeling are messing with the penis
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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