i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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