Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
