I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
