it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
