I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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