wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
