every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
