I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
i've created a new STD.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
