90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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