after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
