Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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