I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
