he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Randomize
