I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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