Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize