the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize