lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
