Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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