Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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