Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Randomize
