Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
