And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I AM VODKA MAN
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
