All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
