Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I want her autograph on my taint
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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