I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
