Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
