But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
