I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
