are you still at the devil's house?
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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