I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
