Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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