why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
She needs sedatives and a leash
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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