By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
