why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
