I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
