she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
