We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
