Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
