yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
So vagazzling was a success
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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