i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
tonight lets celebrate not being married
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I think I sprained my soul last night
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
