party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
