I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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