I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
