How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
