WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
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