Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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