dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
