god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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