Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
