You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
