Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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