instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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