When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
