Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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